I have been unable to blog for a few weeks due to not having a keyboard for my computer. If there is one thing that I have not figured out how to do despite this disease, it is using a touch screen to write a blog. A lot has been going on lately, but none of it very exciting I feel. I have been going to the Dr.s pretty continuously to see what is going on with some problems I have been encountering. I am hoping that all of these problems are stemmed from the MS, but I guess the Dr.s have to waste time testing for everything under the sun to rule out anything else. I have lost 40 lb.s now in the span of 2 months, have severe swelling in my lymph nodes, pain, and fatigue like I have never experienced before in my life. I am so hoping that it is all just a flare up of my MS. I have done research and have not found a link yet, but that is one of the good things about being so stubborn, I wont stop until I do.
Today is one of those days that I would love to just stay in bed. Last night I couldnt sleep because I felt like there were lead weights all over my body. Even today, I feel like I have ankle weights on, and my head is pounding. These are just a few things that my MS does to me many days. When the Dr.s ask what it feels like, I simply say, "it feels like I have a lead blanket weighing me down."
There is nothing that I can take or do that makes it better. This has been a blow to my ego. I have always been a if you think it, you can achieve it, type of person, you know, mind over matter. MS doesn't follow those rules though. When the disease takes over, no amount of "forcing" myself does the trick. Lately it has been worse because my blood sugar has been really hard to keep under control also. I am very blessed that I have great kids who help pick up the slack when I feel like this though (now if I could only get them to keep their rooms clean). Another thing that I have been having, and from what i hear so have others, is severe pain in my hands. This pain makes everyday things excruciating. I think a big part of it is that my circulation has been so bad. I find that if I wear my fingerless gloves it helps a lot! Just like everything in life, dealing with MS is a learning game that sometimes you can learn from others and sometimes you have to figure it out for yourself. So today has been a horrible day. But it should have been a great one! I was asked by the town to speak at the World Wide Day of Prayer service. I did, and it was so great to get to speak and have people actually listening to what I say. But just like always, everytime anyone praises me, I get smacked back down off my pedastle very quickly. You see, I won't mention people specifically,but, there are people who are natural caregivers, and there are people who naturally need taken care of. This is not necissarily because they have something wrong, thye just really like being taken care of. Many times those people are thrown into a situation where they have to become the caregivers. Sometimes it works, but many times it doesn't. When it doesn't they don't know how to handle things being turned around and the other person getting attention for anything. Whn this happens they quite often turn on the other person. This was my day today. As if it wasn't enough that I got to be the center of attention, but the last few days I was given an awesome opportunity which is still in the works, to be quoted publically by a company, and was told that I couldn't work on Wednesdays because I was too missed at bible study. All of these things made me feel like I was walking on a cloud. Not for long though. These are the trials that make us stronger I guess. While this post didn't necesarrily have anything to do with my MS, it is something I thought I should put out there because of all those people who are caregivers for someone sick, or someone who needs a caregiver. It is a two way street and we have to be so careful not to knock each other off the road because of our insecurities or jealousy.
| AuthorA mother with MS just trying to make it in this world. ArchivesMay 2013 Categories |
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