All kids hate change, but none more than kids with special needs. The flip side is that if the change is needed, they are the first to adapt to it as well. We have had a HUGE change in our lives. We have to start all over. But it is good. It is a change that is needed. It has been coming for a long time. Now as a family we are going to decide what the next step needs to be. The kids are doing awesome through all of this. Better than I could have ever imagined actually (much better than me at times). Biggest complaint I have heard so far is that I am still making my youngest eat vegetables. They are becoming their own little individual persons. I am finding out who I am. Somethings that have been needed for a long time. I am learning a lot of things about them and myself that I didn't even know. We are at this point in life where we could go anywhere, do anything. So the world is our playground. Now to decide where we are going with it.
At some point in everyones lives we have to make choices. There are many factors that come into play that help us with those choices. Some are easy and some are hard. Easy choices are things like, what you are going to wear today. Sometimes those choices take a lot more thought. Sometimes the choices are in such a way that there is only one option. Recently I had one of those choices to make where it was hard, but there was really only one option to chose. It was a choice that affected a lot of lives, many negatively, but in the end I had to weigh how it would affect us, and go with that. I fell bad for the people who this decision weighed negatively on, but I also feel good that I made a decision that will lead to a better life for all concerned. I am going to trust that God will send someone else to fill my shoes with the others. That shouldnt be too hard, so I am not worried. The roasd ahead is not going to be an easy one, but it is a good one. Yes being sick will make it even harder than for some people, but in a way having to fight harder for things because of being sick, will make things easier in some ways. I am taking each day one at a time, every hurdle one at a time, and praying the whole way to the finish line. I am so blessed to have some really great people in my corner for this that are helping us thru encouragement and prayers. They are the pillars to help me stand tall. Thank you to all of you.
One of the worse things about being sick and trying to live like your not, is dealing with anger. Anger about what the disease does to you, anger that no one seems to understand or expects more out of you than you can give, anger having to hear people whine about things that really in the greater scheme of things mean nothing. This is something that I have been dealing with a lot lately. I have had many times in the last month where I have had to come to the conclusion that this disease is going to keep me from things I love. I can no longer play instruments, draw, paint, really do anything that requires great dexterity with my hands. When I talk to anyone, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I trip over words, stutter, stammer, ect. Half the time I cant remember what I am talking about half way thru the sentence. Riding a bike or even a horse are out of the question. I have had to listen while people complain because they cant understand what is wrong with them because their car broke down, or because the rain made them have to cancel their picnic at the beach. Now I am not belittling other peoples problems, I am just stating what makes me mad. I honest to God had to listen the other day while a man was talking about his mother dying of cancer and he said " as she was dying I kept asking her, why is God doing this to me" yes you read that right. He was not wondering why God let his mom get sick, but he wanted to know why God was punishing him. I understand that other people go thru things when we are sick, but to completely turn it around to be about you is just sick. I have been working two part-time jobs and it is doing a lot of damage to my health, but it is necessary. When I get home from work I am in so much pain, and I just want to be able to lay down, but cant because I have to deal with other peoples problems (not my kids) whose problems always have to supersede my own no matter what. I just want to smack people some times, but I cant because it would hurt my hands too much.
| AuthorA mother with MS just trying to make it in this world. ArchivesMay 2013 Categories |
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